Finding Grace in the Fruits of the Spirit: My Journey Through Love, Family, and Loss

 For many of us, our animals are not just pets. They are our children. As someone who never had biological children, my heart has always looked for places to pour out my love.

Years ago, I tried raising my niece and nephew alongside my sister. I loved them as if they were my own. But as they grew up, the dynamic changed. I became the only one keeping the relationship alive. After years of doing all the traveling and reaching out, I finally stopped to see what would happen. It has now been over three years, and they have not reached out once. It brought a deep, heavy sadness to my heart—a grief that felt much like a death.

Before that, Charlie and I tried another path to parenthood through foster care. For over four years, we opened our home. When we fostered children under ten, it was a beautiful experience. But later, we took in a boy and his two teenage sisters. Eventually, bad attitudes took over our home, and we knew it was time to close that chapter.

But God always has a plan for where our love needs to go.

After we stopped fostering, God gave me Tofu, my Moluccan cockatoo. A year later, He gave me Peaches, another Moluccan. For more than 15 beautiful years, Tofu and Peaches brought pure joy into our lives. They were our family.

When they passed away, my heart completely broke. What hurt deeply was sharing my grief with friends and family, only to be met with a lack of compassion and empathy. It felt like the world couldn't understand that the love I had for my birds was just as real as any other love.

Through all of these trials—the silence from family, the challenges of foster care, and the heartbreak of losing my sweet birds—I have learned a vital truth over the last few years. This world is hurting, and it needs more love.

True love is God, and it is found in the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. When human relationships fail us, God's love remains, and the love we share with His creation is never wasted.

Flock Instead of Family

 Flock Instead of Family

Feathers, Faith, and Finding Joy in God's Creations

About Me
Welcome! I am a person who deeply loves God and finds endless wonder in all of His creations. To me, the gift of flight is nothing short of a miracle, and I am blessed to provide flight, freedom, and a loving home to my beautiful cockatoos and parrots. They are my absolute joy and my daily reminder of gratitude.

While my path did not include having biological children, my heart is full. Navigating a world that is so heavily centered around traditional families and child-focused holidays can feel isolating and deeply challenging. If you have ever felt that same ache, please know you are not alone.

I created this space to reach out to fellow hearts who understand this journey. Through the beauty of my birds and the peace found in God’s nature, my mission is to share joy, foster connection, and create a community where we can celebrate life’s alternative blessings together.

Welcome to the Flock: Finding Our Way Together

 Welcome to the Flock: Finding Our Way Together

Hello, and welcome.  A change to my blog is starting now.

If you have stumbled upon this corner of the internet, I believe it isn’t by accident. Whether you are a fellow bird lover, a person of faith, or someone navigating the quiet ache of being childless in a world built for families, I want to say: you are welcome here.

Today is Sunday, a day I always set aside for reflection and gratitude. As I sit here writing this, I am watching my cockatoos and parrots spread their wings. To me, the gift of flight is a daily miracle straight from God. Providing a safe space where these magnificent creatures can fly, live, and thrive brings me a profound sense of purpose. They are my joy, my companions, and my family.

For a long time, living as a childless person has felt lonely. We are constantly surrounded by family-centric advertisements, kid-focused neighborhoods, and holidays that seem to amplify what we don't have. It can be incredibly hard to find your footing when your life doesn’t match the traditional script.

But I have learned that God’s creations offer immense healing. My birds have taught me that a "nest" doesn't have to look like everyone else's to be completely full of love.

I started Flock Instead of Family because I want to reach out to anyone who feels left out of the cultural conversation. I want to use the joy of my animals to build a bridge. In this space, we will talk about the beauty of nature, the comfort of faith, and how to build a life rich in meaning, connection, and alternative blessings.

Thank you for pausing your day to fly with me for a moment. You are not alone.

Get Your Bird Back!

  

Get Your Bird Back!

 

 

"The Value of Recall Training"

 

by Barb Saunders, Riverside, CA.

 

 

 

Daphne Escapes

 

 

Imagine your worst nightmare just happened! You are not at home and you get a phone call that your bird just flew outdoors. It happened to me while I was visiting my parents, a one hour drive from home, on a good-freeway day. 

 

My husband Charlie called me at 5:30 PM with the news that Daphne, my Ducorps Cockatoo, (Cacatua ducorpsii) just flew out of the small aviary outside.  I went crazy!  What to do?  I always figured I would be prepared and at home if this ever happened.

 

 

What we did to get Daphne back

 

 

Being packed for an overnighter, I loaded all necessary items back in the car; notebook, phone, cameras and dog.  After checking the traffic on sigalert.com, I found the fastest freeway route to take.  Traveling over some of the most congested freeways in Southern California had me in a panic. I worried I would not make it home before night time, about two hours away.  Freeway traffic moved along well and I remained as calm as I could.

 

I called Charlie to help make a plan about what we needed to do.  He first contacted our surrounding neighbors with the idea to get more eyes out there, hopefully to spot Daphne before she roosted for the night.  The horrible fear I was feeling about not getting her back before dark arose from years of knowing the dangers night time can bring.  Owls and any number of creeping, climbing night time varmints could attack her.

 

Miraculously making the drive home in an hour, I ran into the house and grabbed Tofu, my male Moluccan Cockatoo (Cacatua moluccensis), and set out in our Jeep Wrangler to find my girl. Charlie told me that Daphne had been chased by four crows and he indicated which direction she headed, before she disappeared. Tofu was a part of my plan to get her back. They really like one another and the idea of the contact calls could work well.

 

I took a cage, food rewards, a favorite toy and proceeded to the last spot she had been seen. We went to the hillside with a high view and called for her.  I also had Tofu do his "Hoot and Hollers" contact calls we do at dusk. Tofu was having fun and being very noisy.  The neighbors in another tract were listening and started asking questions. I drove around and talked to many people, gave them my phone number and told them I would be posting flyers.

 

Nobody saw her. It was getting dark and not a sign. Nothing. I was so worried!  We went home and made up fifty fliers, to be posted in our neighborhood and other locations; grocery store, vet and pet shops.  At dawn I again started calling from our back yard. We spent the early part of the morning putting fliers up.  Frustrated, I said a prayer to God, “Just give me a sign she’s alright.”  Within seconds Daphne appeared, flying fast and skillfully, right over us as she made a turn and disappeared again!  She was alive! 

Charlie went back out to search and I stayed home and called some more. Off in the distance I could see the hint of a white bird flying around a group of trees. It had to be Daphne.  I called Charlie and he went to that area and talked to some neighbors who said she had spent the morning hanging out on their electrical line.

 

 

Where we looked for Daphne

 

 

When Charlie got home from distributing fliers, I took Tofu and went to the area where I saw Daphne in the trees, up the hill from our house. I went to the house where she had been seen, to wait and watch.  A neighbor invited me to go look in her backyard. Nothing. As I came back into the front yard Daphne appeared, flying fast in a large circle.  But she flew high and away to a grove of trees.  After she disappeared over the hill, I went to the top to get a view of the surrounding area and see if I could spot her.

 

I arrived at a gated community and asked a very kind person to let me in to find my lost bird. Tofu and I went to the overlook and called Daphne. She appeared, only to fly over us, towards our home and back up and over the hill again.  She was ignoring us and I was frustrated.  As the day wore on she flew past several times, doing the same thing.  I was fascinated how well she was flying in winds of about 20 mph., but with the wind becoming stronger, I feared she might drift further away. There was no sign of her anywhere. I went back up to the look out and here came Daphne flying in the strong wind.  She had no problem flying - away from me!

 

By now it is late afternoon with maybe an hour and a half of daylight left.  I heard her contact call and realized she was about forty yards from me, sitting in a Queen palm tree in a fenced yard. I walked up to her, saying, "Hi Daphne", and she started talking to me. So cute! The queen palm was right by the sidewalk and she was about four feet above me. I asked her to come down and she flew right to me.  I gave her rewards and a drink as she was a parched girl. 

How recall training worked for an escaped bird

 

 

We got Daphne Ducorps as a baby in early 2007.  Because I have knowledge of recall training, I immediately began working with her.  She took her first flight at eight weeks, flying to me across room.  At this age she had little stamina and would breathe hard, even though the training lessons didn’t last long.  As she learned recall, her stamina and strength improved.

 

During her first year she went traveling with us in a carrier or on a harness.  In our large aviary she learned to safely fly outside, up and down and in the wind.  Daphne is now four years old and flies through the house and aviary many times a day.  I see how much she benefited from learning recall and why she could fly for such a long period while out flying free.  She knew how to fly confidently in the wind and wasn’t afraid of the outdoor environment.  

 

We have hundreds of crows in our area and Charlie observed she did a great job of out-flying them.  The crows flock around the outdoor aviary, communicating with one another and chasing the hawks away. I watched Daphne and my other birds react to what the crows do.  It is not easy to explain how a bird learns its natural instincts from being outdoors but when the crows are chasing a hawk, my birds will fly high up and be on alert, watching and listening very intently.

 

With recall training outdoors, I have learned that when they know they are safe they will come to me. Some people say that the bird should come immediately but I do not ask that of mine. I want it to be what they want and for them to feel safe. Daphne’s recall training worked. 

How recall training works

 

I first began recall training my older, clipped female Moluccan Cockatoo in January of 2006. I learned the recall principles from bird trainers and free fliers on the internet.

 

There are some basic steps to learn about flighted recall.  Flying a bird indoors or in a 12’ X 32’ aviary are excellent form of exercise and enrichment.  So is training with the bird in a harness.  I use recall training here daily with the games I play with the birds, such as having several birds flying together do recall.  My main reason for teaching recall is because it is a safety measure should a bird escape.

 

I keep many birds that have been taught recall, all at different ages. My Moluccan Cockatoo was actually the first of my birds to learn flighted recall. She learned when I did training with her with food and weight management. Nine years old now, she went from clipped wings to flying across rooms and in the aviary to me.

 

The older birds, who were not used to flying, took several months to a year or more to train. With the clipped birds, I focused on walking recalls and short hops. I have no way of knowing if any of these older birds had ever previously learned to fly.

 

Training the older birds, I simply began with getting the birds to like me. As their wings grew out, whether they could fly or not, we began by walking recall, which consists of putting the bird on a table and call it by name.  I place my hand with a treat a few inches away.  When the bird steps up, praise and reward them with a sliver of almond, walnut, pine nut, etc., gradually increasing the distance.  I always train before breakfast or dinner when they are more hungry and eager for the treat. 

Once they learn the walking recall, we move on to the stretch to my hand for the treat.  After that there is the first "hop/fly" to hand and treat.  Remember to increase the distance. If your bird won't jump, then move closer until he gets more confident for the longer flights. Once these recall steps are mastered, I progress to asking them to fly up or fly down.  Soon your bird will be flying to you from other rooms in the house or across the aviary!

 

If your bird never fledged, an added precaution would be to start training in a small room where the flight would only be a short distance.  Don’t forget to cover the windows and perhaps put a blanket on the floor if the room isn’t carpeted.  Birds who have never flown have no idea how to use their brakes in the beginning.

 

Recall Training for Baby Birds

 

I acquired two of my birds, Daphne Ducorps and George, the Great-billed Parrot (Tanygnathus megalorynchos), at the age of eight weeks.  It is better to start with a baby bird for recall training.  Daphne met every expectation I had for her.  She is flight trained, trick trained and recall trained.  Her venture out of the aviary proved that she learned well, most likely because I trained her as a baby bird.

 

I was under the assumption my Great-bill had fledged and I thought I could train him the same way as Daphne.  The breeder let his primaries grow in but he didn’t know how to fly.  To make matters worse, when he was just learning how to fly, my Philippine Blue-naped Parrot (Tanygnathus megalorynchos), decided to pull out all of George’s tail feathers.  George is four years old but because of having no tail for a year, his flying skills are way behind Daphne's.

I have also trained young birds, in the six months to adulthood range and their flying and recall skill is at the same level as Daphne.  Ronnie is a female Galah (Eolophus roseicapilla), I got at 9 months old.  She grew out of a primary feather clip and at four years old is probably my best flyer and recall-trained bird.  Daphne and Ronnie have been friends and trained together for more than three years. They fly through the house and aviary, playing and chasing each other with flight skills that amaze me.

 

My latest young pupils are Gus, Gilly and Gabe, three male Galahs I got at seven months old.  These three year old boys were all raised together and fledged, but during the first seven months of their lives had no training. Since coming to me they have been trick trained, flight trained and recall trained, together and separately.  From observing them in the aviary I think maybe they could out fly Daphne and Ronnie.

 

  

Recall for an adult bird

 

I began my recall training with my Moluccan Cockatoo, Peaches, but to this day she doesn’t enjoy flying like my other birds.  Even though she is an older bird, she did learn the basic skills of flying to me, up, down and flying in the wind.  She usually doesn’t fly unless she is either frightened or she really wants something.  I don’t train with her daily because the area in the house and aviary isn’t adequate for a bird her size and she doesn’t get the extreme delight from it like my smaller birds.  The size of the area used for recall training is very important.  

 

My little Philippine Blue-nape, is the smallest bird here at 250 grams, but his flying skills equal my other talented fliers.  His history is unknown, except he was not in good condition with wings mere stubs and no tail.  I’m guessing he was an older bird.  Back to square one, we started with the walking recall and he learned the steps of recall, becoming a skilled flier and recalling well. I would guess if he ever got out I would have no worries recalling Phil.

Ever fond of a challenge, I acquired Fred, the Bare-eyed Cockatoo (Cacatua sanguinea), who was a grown bird.  He was fully flighted and wild.  The kind of bird most folks would have clipped before training, but not me.  I used positive reinforcement and began with short flies to me. From there we went to up/down, recall and flying in the wind inside the aviary.  In the five years I have worked daily with Fred, he is another one I believe I’d have no problem with if he escaped.

 

There are more older birds here I am working with, consisting of several Long-billed Corellas (Cacatua tenuirostris) and a pair of Galahs.  The group I am currently training, enjoy learning recall and they are making steady progress.